Have you ever said goodbye to a good friend? It’s hard to let go of shared memories, moving on and changing, accepting that you’re losing something close to you.
I think that it’s even harder than accepting death, honestly. When someone is dead, there’s nothing you can do about it, so you more or less have to accept it. When you lose a friend (or break up with you significant other) it’s different because YOU may still theoretically be able to do something about it, but THEY might not let you.
The best illustration that I can think of is when someone breaks up with you. You might want to make the relationship work, but regardless of how badly you want it to, your partner might not, and that makes all the difference.
One of my reasons for writing about this is because one of my friends is transferring colleges. She doesn’t like her major program here, which is a completely understandable reason. Of course, I don’t want her to leave.
We’ve been friends since I started college, and even though she’s a Japanese international student (or maybe because of it), I feel a strong emotional bond with her that is difficult to convey in words or compare to those that I have with my other friends.
In any case, it’s hard to accept.
All around me people are ending relationships or friendships, and I’ve even heard one of my friends call it a “season for breaking up.” One of the things I’ve noticed, though, is that very few of these people are really being honest about their feelings.
Everyone is being tough, holding it all inside, when in reality everyone’s hurting. We’re all drowning ourselves in things instead of facing them together. It’s annoying.
I wish everyone was more honest. The only way I’ve been surviving my “breakup season” is through talking with other people and writing; without the release I’d get really emo, and I’ve been there already. The hard part is finding people to talk to.
How does everyone else get by? That’s what I want to know. Accepting loss is a hard thing and accepting that you’re powerless to change something is also hard. If I could talk with my friends, confident that they feel the same way I do, I’d feel so much better. I’ve been called overly dramatic and emotional, but I’ve always just felt like I’m being honest.
Is holding feelings in what is expected now? Is it just guys? Is it America? Is it everyone?
Hey,
Holding feelings never really works in any relationships. Having clear lines of communication and even more importantly the understand and the willingness to listen to the opposite person would be the first step; followed by the willingness to trust that the opposite person is speaking the truth without any underlying intentions, and accepting and working on changing the aspects which are going wrong.
Good Post!