I’ve frequently thought I was born in the wrong time period. I dreamed of the medieval times as soon as I was introduced to them, and played at being the chivalrous knight in my make-believe games. As I got older, I found that the romanticized idea of chivalry, and being able to redeem your honor through self-accomplished feats, greatly appealed to me. Then I was introduced to the feudal period of Japan.
The warrior knights of Japan adhered to tenets of the Bushido code: rectitude, courage, benevolence, respect, honor/glory, and loyalty. If they performed a deed that violated this code, they could redeem themselves through seppuku, erasing their misdeeds and clearing their reputation. How great is that?
I exaggerate with my last remark there, but let me elaborate. Have you ever done something wrong, and felt long-lasting guilt over it? I know I’ve felt bad after I’ve done things like blowing up over small things or lashing out at other people when they don’t deserve it, and at times like that, I’ve sat around afterwards feeling bad until I apologized.
We’re taught from a young age that when we do something wrong, we apologize to the person we’ve hurt. If they accept the apology, that forgiveness alleviates the guilt we have. If we’re really good, we make restitution afterwards by changing our attitudes or actions. But what happens when someone doesn’t accept that apology?
The guilt stays with you and it sucks. I’ve dragged stuff around for years because I’ve felt so bad about it. I’ve tried to forgive myself, but It’s hard for me to do if I’m not forgiven by the person I’ve wronged; I’ve tried to move on without that forgiveness, but keep beating myself up. I’m a perfectionist, and I hate being at fault. Not to mention that I just feel better knowing that I’m trying to better myself, and doing that part is hard to do when you feel guilty.
This is why I’m jealous of the samurai. Through a self-sacrificing act, a samurai could atone for his misdeeds, and it would be recognized universally. No dragging guilt around, no shame – a samurai could hold his head high, if only in death. I wish I was a samurai for more than that, though. I really relate to the tenets of the Bushido code:
Rectitude: Moral uprightness; righteousness.
Courage:The state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear, or vicissitudes with self-possession, confidence, and resolution; bravery.
Benevolence: An inclination to perform kind, charitable acts.
Respect: To feel or show deferential regard for; esteem.
Honor/Glory: Good name; reputation.
Loyalty: Faithful to a person, ideal, custom, cause, or duty.
Living is hard work. It’s so much easier to just give up and die, which makes seppuku an interesting paradox. The people who chose to live must have decided to deal with their shame and guilt, but what kind of lives did they lead? Were these people without a sense of honor or were they plagued by their mistakes for the rest of their lives? Were there lives worth living?
One thing I do know is that I that I wish I was a samurai, if for no other reason than for the swords. ;)
