Even Ground

Do you know why I quit Myspace? It’s quite simple, actually: I got tired of putting people on my top friends when I wasn’t on theirs and having to worry if I was doing the same to other people. I don’t like putting effort into a one-sided relationship; I’m sure you know what I mean.

I’m sure that we’d all like to think people think of us just as much as we think of them and care about us just as much as we care about them. It’s tiring and depressing to consider anything else. Putting effort into a one-sided relationship is draining because you’re chasing after that person, trying to make them care, trying to make them like you — and we all want to be liked. When someone doesn’t like you, but you like them, it can be a real blow to your self-esteem, depending on your personality.

I have a couple friends who just shrug off things like that, acting like they don’t care. At least one of them is actually lying to himself, though; I can see it on his face every time something happens. If he finds out someone doesn’t like him, he just lies to himself until it becomes truth and he doesn’t care. Me, I’m the opposite. I tend to take it to heart, and it hurts, and then I take whatever action I decide on after that. It takes time, but these and other similar approaches usually work.

What sucks is when you can’t stop caring.

It makes me sad to be, or watch, the person who chases after someone who doesn’t like them. There’s a kid in one of my classes, for example, who is a complete social outcast — his clothes, mannerisms, attitude — they all combine to make him someone that nobody likes. Yet, he keeps trying to talk to and befriend people, even though all of them make it obvious that they want nothing to do with him. What keeps him going?

He has no other choice. I heard something interesting in one of my classes. “An individual cannot exist outside of society. As a social being, his identity is related to his social standing.” He needs to have that human connection, just like the rest of us, and is willing to drag himself through the mud every day trying to get it. Some of us just choose people out of our reach.

There are those people who we want so badly to connect to. They’re really charismatic — either in looks, personality, or both — and we’re attracted to them, like moths to a flame. But like that flame, some of them burn us, sending us spiraling down towards the earth with just a touch, a word, an action that says, “hey, I don’t like you.” It’s a rough landing, isn’t it?

I hate being that person who cares more, opening up for someone only to find that I’m an “acquaintance” or less than that. I guess that’s why I occasionally find myself hating the online networking sites. The top friends features perpetrate situations like this all the time, and even when you’re not friended by someone else it can make you feel the same way.

I don’t mean to condemn online sites in saying this. Networking sites have a lot of good points too, letting us keep in touch with people we wouldn’t otherwise. They can be a lot of fun. But in watching the world around me, I have been made to wonder how many people have been hurt out of lines being drawn and conclusions made based on who your “friends” are.